I won’t attempt to sugar coat things when I say that the last 2 months sucked. They were hard and sad and two of the worst months I’ve lived thus far in my 38 years. Hearing the word “separate” led by “divorce” doesn’t make for a happy conversation. Nor does it make for a very pleasant time in ones life. And we won’t even talk (today at least) about sharing with kids that you’re turning their world upside, your parents are divorcing, one will move out and you’ll officially be a part of a broken family.
Broken. That’s how I feel. The only thing that makes me feel better right now is that I’m confident that one day we will all be ok again. Happy even. Apart, but ok. The kids will get through this, we won’t have completely screwed them up. Years from now they’ll look back and know that while their parents might no longer be married, their parents love them. As long as they know that we both love them and that they aren’t to blame, I think we’re good. Or as good as we’re going to get.
Here’s the thing though about the beginning of the divorce chapter… it’s not just hard because you’re grieving a marriage and the breakup of an entire family, it’s the big, scary start of all things new. 10 years ago I became a stay at home mom, 7 or so years ago I settled into the thought that I’d truly probably never work again (“maybe one day when the kids are older”, but no real solid thoughts or plans). And here I am, at 38 years old, starting over again. Job searching, apartment/duplex hunting, thinking about what I’ll need to move out, how I’ll keep things happy and as normal as can be for the kids.
Amidst all of this, I’m trying my best to find a way to make me happy again. I won’t lie, it’s hard and most days are quite a struggle. The kids are what get me through though. My therapist tells me that the kids will come out of this as good as the parents. So I’m striving to keep my chin up, while letting them see me sad now and again, to keep things as civil as possible with Matt, to ease them into the life changes as easily as I possibly can. And a lot of that rides on me taking care of myself. Going to the gym, going back to school, taking time for myself to reflect on things, trying hard not to focus on the negative, giving myself time to grieve and heal, and reminding myself that “you can do this”. Because, I can.. and I will.. and I’ll be ok.
One of my very favorite companies that I’ve had the pleasure of working with via the blog over the past couple of years is JORD. And when (just a week before my birthday- perfect timing!) they wanted to send a watch to share about the amazing new engraving that they’re offering, I couldn’t resist. Because how perfect of a gift to myself would this beautiful Frankie (in dark sandalwood & smoke) from JORD be, with “You can do this – 2016” engraved on the back? A lovely reminder of new & good things to come in the new year.
And to bring a little light to this post, JORD is offering my readers a $25 gift card to use toward the purchase of a JORD wood watch! If you’d like to claim your gift card, simply click the link below, enter your email and they’ll send it over. Enjoy!